I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
