i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
