Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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