I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Come see our sink grown plant.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
