Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
