dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
