I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
