she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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