I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
