Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
