Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
