I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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