I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Someone stole a lamp last night.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
