where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
