Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
