Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
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they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
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Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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