Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
