Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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