she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
