There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
