Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
