her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
