Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
