Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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