so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
His nipple licking is glorious
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