I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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