So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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