There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
