i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
