hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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