youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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