I could make wine with my vomit
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
