Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
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You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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