That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
