hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
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