Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
50% drunk capacity currently
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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