All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
