I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
