This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
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well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
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Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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