it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
