Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
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I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
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Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i think i just lost a toe
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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