I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
