like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
