Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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