Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
