Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
