She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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