im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
