Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
