I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
