On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
and you fell through a lawn chair
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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