I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
