he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You need Xanax blowdarts
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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