She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
