the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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