I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
