do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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