a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
