I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I made him laugh his dick is mine
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
