the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
