sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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