Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My vagina is officially offended.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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