Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
