I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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