i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
