did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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