Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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