break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
