when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Screwed.edu
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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