I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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