i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
