No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
