I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
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what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
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Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.