I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"