I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START