You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
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It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
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so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought