2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
There are leaves in my underwear?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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