I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
