update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
