I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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