I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
